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Tue, Aug. 7th, 2012, 03:44 pm
One For The Fangirls (Now With A Third Verse!)

(to the tune of "Be Prepared" by Tom Lehrer)

Coulson Lives!
That’s the Avengers fangirls’ song,
Coulson lives,
Even Whedon got it wrong,
Loki stabbed him through the chest with that big knife,
But somehow it managed not to take his life.

Coulson lives,
SHIELD’s medics were in time,
Coulson lives,
If they weren’t, t’would be a crime,
It turned out that Loki only stabbed a Coulson LMD,
Doing roughly the same damage as an arrow in the knee,
Plus he’s routing WiFi right through Loki’s shiv,
Coulson lives!

Coulson lives!
That’s the fangirls’ solemn creed,
Coulson lives,
For his presence there’s much need,
Captain Rogers must sign Phil’s trading card stash,
Not to mention all that Barton/Coulson slash.

Loki was pwned,
All he impaled was thin air,
Phil was cloned,
Or he wasn’t even there,
He’s in Portland with that cellist, or in Bangkok or Beirut,
He’s like Carmen San Diego with a better looking suit
We could throw him off a hundred thousand cliffs,
Coulson lives!

Coulson lives,
He was gone but he’s returned,
He was fragged,
But another life he’s earned,
Reincarnated, or brain stored in a jar,
Or his voice will play through Tony Stark’s new car,

He’ll come back, as Grey Phoenix one fine dawn,
Or as SHIELD’s top-ranked Zombie liaison,
Maybe he rules some dimension filled with fantasy cliches,
Or Galactus goes through heralds like Pete Parker through Aunt Mays
So if you see all that fic and say, “What gives?”
Coulson lives!

This entry was originally posted at http://filkertom.dreamwidth.org/1549820.html. You may comment there or here, although LJ tends to have a livelier conversation at this time.

Tue, Aug. 7th, 2012 07:56 pm (UTC)
alverant

Record this! There must be a way to record this!

Tue, Aug. 7th, 2012 08:02 pm (UTC)
filkertom

Good thing I've got recording gear. ;)

Tue, Aug. 7th, 2012 08:04 pm (UTC)
j_e_richards

Yes!!!...how many times has Jean Grey "risen"? Everything happens offscreen...

Tue, Aug. 7th, 2012 08:07 pm (UTC)
filkertom

Hee hee. I'm debating a third verse, wherein Phil gets various superpowers, or becomes a -- oh, heck with it. I'll just write it. Back in a bit.

Tue, Aug. 7th, 2012 08:20 pm (UTC)
dixie_chicken

Hi, welcome to being my favorite person on the Internet. Here's your cookie.

Wed, Aug. 8th, 2012 03:06 pm (UTC)
filkertom

COOKIE!

Tue, Aug. 7th, 2012 08:25 pm (UTC)
dizmo

This is the best thing ever. For the record.

Wed, Aug. 8th, 2012 03:06 pm (UTC)
filkertom

Aw, shucks. Thanks!

Tue, Aug. 7th, 2012 08:29 pm (UTC)
coulsonlives

Well played, good sir!

Wed, Aug. 8th, 2012 03:07 pm (UTC)
filkertom

And well named, my friend!

Tue, Aug. 7th, 2012 08:35 pm (UTC)
hbruton

Funny stuff. Though I do not understand the obsession with this character. Complete wall paper to me.

Wed, Aug. 8th, 2012 04:24 pm (UTC)
filkertom

With me, at least, it was his turn at the end of Iron Man that first intrigued me. Only on screen for a minute, but I liked his style enough to hope that he'd be back in IM2, which he was. And then they had the short films with him on the Blu-Rays (fortunately one of them has been uploaded to YouTube), and his prominent role in Thor. So seeing him show up early on in The Avengers was just a great moment. And his character was still made of awesome -- the best description I've seen of him is from actor Clark Gregg himself, who said the key to playing Coulson is, "Be calm, but on the brink of great violence."

And then (no spoiler by this point) he got killed.

WAAAAAAAAH.

Tue, Aug. 7th, 2012 08:56 pm (UTC)
djonn

ROFL.

That said, I always thought Carmen Sandiego's outfit was well put together (on the animated series, at least). Were I you, I'd keep an eye on the local Michigan geography and make sure I had the ACME Detective Agency's phone number on speed dial....

Tue, Aug. 7th, 2012 09:16 pm (UTC)
filkertom: DO IT, ROCKAPELLA!

Tue, Aug. 7th, 2012 09:39 pm (UTC)
cluegirl

I kind of love you right now. A will understand. She's good like that.

Wed, Aug. 8th, 2012 04:25 pm (UTC)
filkertom

No prob, she did. :D

Tue, Aug. 7th, 2012 10:59 pm (UTC)
melchar

I -love- this! You can't believe the outcry of 'No!' that came from the audience I saw 'Avengers' with the 1st time when Loki shivved Coulson - and these were mostly mundane 'normal' folk.

Tue, Aug. 7th, 2012 11:41 pm (UTC)
xanykaos

Yes. Yes, this pleases me greatly.

Excellent job matching Lehrer's goofy and exuberant rhyme schemes. Just as charming as the original.

Tue, Aug. 7th, 2012 11:42 pm (UTC)
insane_ian

So yeah, um...FuMP THIS!

I love love LOVE this!

^_^

-Insane Ian

Wed, Aug. 8th, 2012 12:07 am (UTC)
hangitup_baby

I am freaking out over how awesome this is!

Wed, Aug. 8th, 2012 01:29 am (UTC)
batyatoon

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. YES.

(I can't quite work out the scansion of the verse beginning "Loki was pwned" ... ah, what the heck, I'll wait til there's a recording.)

Wed, Aug. 8th, 2012 01:35 am (UTC)
hey_doey_doey

This was linked on tumblr and it literally MAKES MY LIFE. I bow down to you. :)

Wed, Aug. 8th, 2012 01:53 am (UTC)
gargoule

Hi! Came here from tumblr and oh.. I squeed. Like a huge bunch.

Wed, Aug. 8th, 2012 04:05 am (UTC)
palenoue

I was kinda hoping Coulson would return in the next Thor movie as a resident in Valhalla, having been flown there by a valkyrie because he was a brave warrior who died in combat kind of thing.

Wed, Aug. 8th, 2012 04:50 am (UTC)
caraig

This. Phil deserves a trip to Valhalla. ^_^

SO very much wanting to hear this on the FuMP, Tom!

And I think that this is an appropriate place to repost this:
https://secure.flickr.com/photos/25459139@N04/6255224456/

Wed, Aug. 8th, 2012 05:57 am (UTC)
gardnerhill

I haven't even seen the bloody film and I approve this message!

I've foamed before about Whedon's cheapass insta-drama-gimmick (oops, his habit of pointlessly killing beloved characters) - and don't get me started on Dr. Horrible.

Wed, Aug. 8th, 2012 06:13 am (UTC)
dizmo

In fairness, though, with this particular insta-drama-gimmick, it wasn't Whedon's call. Kevin Feige's on record as having told Joss to do it, and Joss was like... okay, but you'll have to tell people it was your idea, because everyone is going to hate me.

Wed, Aug. 8th, 2012 01:41 pm (UTC)
regonym

This is awesome! XDDDD

Wed, Aug. 8th, 2012 03:50 pm (UTC)
peachtales

Yay. :D

Wed, Aug. 8th, 2012 08:45 pm (UTC)
dandelion_diva

That is marvelous. :)

Fri, Aug. 10th, 2012 10:51 pm (UTC)
wanted_a_pony

I gotta second the suggestion that you post this at AOOO (if you haven't already)! All the Coulson-shippers will bow down & worship you! ;-)

Sat, Aug. 11th, 2012 02:07 am (UTC)
concertigrossi


OMG I LOVE IT SO. THIS IS FABULOUS.

FERVENTLY hoping you record it soon.

Wed, May. 29th, 2013 12:35 am (UTC)
lisa_marli

Once again you are made of Awesome, Tom. Thanks for making us laugh.